~ Your thoughts or words sound something like, “If you love me, you will …”
We do not need the other person to do or be what what need them to do and be in order to feel loved. This doesn’t allow the other person to be who they really are and this sets up your happiness to be dependent on them doing or being what you think you need.
~ You rescue, either emotionally or physically — only to later resent and judge them for needing to be rescued in the first place.
A fulfilling, healthy relationship consists of two adults. Not one parent and one child or two children. When we take care of others more than ourselves, it is disempowering for both people.
~ You’re waiting to be saved.
This usually happens on a subconscious level, waiting for the knight in shining armor to make your life better. You are your the heroine of your own story.
~ You can’t live without the other person.
Most love songs imply this is what love is, but a healthy relationship requires two people to be whole and complete in their own right. You can enjoy having the other person in your life rather than being half of a person needing the other to complete you.
~ You question your own decisions and opinions when others don’t agree with them.
This is a sign that you are lacking sense of self. If you don’t know who you are, it ‘s easy for others to define you which creates anger and resentment when they inevitably get it wrong. A consequence of having poor boundaries is that you react to everyone’s thoughts and feelings. You have a hard time understanding their opinion is not a reflection of you, personally.
~ Your happiness is predicated on the other person.
Happiness is within — when you stop searching for it in another person and start connecting with yourself you will connect to your true source of happiness within. The result is that happiness begins to overflow to others around you, rather than relying on someone else to be your source.
~ You can’t communicate your thoughts, feelings and needs.
If you don’t know what you think, feel and need, communicating it is hard. Sometimes you know what you think and feel, but you won’t own up to it because you are afraid to be truthful and upset others or disrupt the balance.
~ You think about your relationship all of the time.
Trying to decipher what the other person is thinking or feeling or becoming obsessed when you think you may have made a mistake or that the other person is mad at you. This is caused by dependency on others and anxieties and fears about being rejected or feeling shame.
These are just some of the signs that you might be codependent. This way of living can become a very painful existence. Recovery from codependency is possible. The first step is getting guidance and support. Call me for an appointment if you think you may need help becoming a whole person again.