Why is it so hard to be the person we want to be? As I sit down to write about who I want to be versus who I am, I am able to recognize that I am closer to who I want to be than I have ever been before in my entire life. This brings up questions for me as to why it has taken half of my life to get this close– and yet still feel so far away. I am still profoundly baffled by the progress I have made in my life; and yet, in direct conflict with that, I am profoundly disappointed that I am not yet where I want to be. Subsequently, I wonder if the work in my life will forever be an on-going process– as “God has made clear that He has begun a great work in us and will continue that work until the day of Christ’s return” (Philippians 1:6).
When I close my eyes and think about the person I want to be; the relationships I want to have; the effect I wish to have on those closest to me; and those just passing through my life; I always think of God’s work in me. The person I want to be has a lasting positive effect on the people around me; the effect I have is one that brings great self worth, peace, and balance to their lives. The person I want to be is able to keep peace within me in order to provide that to others, and I’m just not there yet. If I choose to focus on the disappointment of not having that part of myself developed fully yet, I will miss opportunities to grow into that. In order to extend my purpose into others’ lives and strategically help them gain their own autonomy and self-sufficiency and reach their own potential, I have to complete the master’s program in which I’m currently enrolled. If I spend my time thinking about how long this will take or the overwhelming amount of work necessary to achieve it, I will surely lose the peace I seek. The positive influence I wish to be within my daily life can start right now. I control what I am focused on, and I control how I act and react every single day.
There are two primary obstacles that I see in the field of counseling that get in our way when we try to be the people we want to be:
Believing or allowing others’ behaviors or emotions to control our own behaviors or emotions. Believing that if your mom (or whoever) is the one that ruins every family get together with her bad attitude or behavior is simply untrue– and this type of thinking allows you to relinquish all control over your own balance, well-being , and positive influence over others.
Confusing who you want to be with want you want to have. Houses, vacations, financial security, degrees, promotions, better jobs, a pregnancy, or a new car will never be the answer to truly fulfilling your potential.
So, now it’s your turn. Close your eyes and envision who you want to be. How do you want to influence the people in your life? What kind of relationship do you envision with the people closest to you? How close are you to your full potential?