Many people fear going to group therapy because of 3 false beliefs:
1) Embarrassment or shame: “I couldn’t possibly tell others what’s going on in my life because they would laugh at me or judge me or think I’m really screwed up”.
FALSE: Feeling screwed up is normal. At Family Tree, we provide a safe
environment to share and most people embrace and empathize with those who feel screwed up. You will end up getting the weight off your shoulders by sharing. We also don’t require you to share much until you’re comfortable and feeling safe. If you want to just listen, that’s fine—there’s no pressure.
2) No anonymity: “I don’t want my friends, family members or co-workers to know that I go to group therapy. One-on-one therapy is private. Group therapy would make my issues public.”
FALSE: We never disclose last names of group members, nothing is recorded and everything remains within the group. Everyone provides a safe environment of mutual respect and like ‘what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas’— also ‘what happens in group, stays in group’.
3) Not enough time: “I have a busy schedule and can’t make the time”.
FALSE: The rest of your life, including your family and physical health, depends upon your good mental health. Time flies in group therapy and the relation to others issues accelerates the recovery process and healing. Everyone can find 90 minutes in a week to accelerate their healing in a group if they are truly committed to addressing their issues.
Why does group therapy accelerate the healing process?
Studies have been done on groups. Books gave been written on groups. College class curriculums revolved around group therapy. Why?
The textbooks will say that group therapy is oftentimes more effective than individual therapy. In a group environment, others serve as “mirrors” that reflect aspects of yourself that you can recognize and explicitly choose if you want to modify or change. Most people think of support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous when they envision group therapy, but it can be so much more than that. We are social beings by nature and thrive when we are surrounded by other people who can provide support and acceptance as well as accountability.
Our groups at Family Tree Counseling provide a community of people who are in recovery. We are accountable to each other and as we share what’s going on in our lives, we will be called out if we start blaming others for our circumstances, or if we start sounding like we have taken on a victim mentality. Many times, in order to change how you think, it requires continuous redirection of your thoughts. So if a wife is codependent and needs to be in recovery from codependency, she will need to redirect and retrain her thoughts on a second- by-second basis. In deep codependency, a wife will focus entirely on what her husband is doing and thinking and feeling. She will make a lot of statements that start with, “He”. In a community of recovery, as she is working on focusing more on herself rather than her husband, she will be corrected by group members until she breaks her codependency. Retraining your thoughts is hard work.
You will need to be with other people who are working on doing the same thing and who will correct you when you revert back to old ways of processing situations. It’s rare to find people in your lives that are coming from a healthy place. In a group, the members have the opportunity to point out how you may be doing, saying, or thinking things that ultimately hurt yourself and do it in a way that you can likely accept and respect. Group therapy allows for a safe environment to do just that; and although it can be intimidating to show up on the first visit, you will feel welcome and safe by the end of the night.
We are working on putting together a Women’s Group on Thursday evenings and Andy heads up the No More Mr. Nice Guy Men’s Group on Tuesday’s from 7:30 – 9:00 pm. Call me anytime to discuss which group would fit best for you. You do not have to be a in individual therapy to be in a recovery group at Family Tree.